This, not that; over there; No! Stop, you should do this, you should do that; Follow me. Some sort of forces that is controlling you to do the things you may not want yet you can’t hardly resist since you are chained and tangled unto his command.
Have you ever experienced of not deciding on your own since there are lot of forces that holds you from doing so? Or ever experience that every time you decide for your self someone will interfere with your decision. Seem like you’re a puppet who cannot stand on your own because of always been directed of what to do with your life.
The researcher conducted a study and found out that 100% of the population out of 50 respondents has experienced of being manipulated and intervened with regards to their decisions. This intervention is a force that hinders one person to move according to his will. This given scenario may result to different cases with regards on how the person will respond with this intervention.
We have interviewed a person experiencing the said phenomenon and see what we found out.
In the case of Angela Valbuena, a 20 year old Ab Communication student living at Caloocan City who is experiencing the said phenomenon, she told us what life she have, having experiencing being manipulated by her mother.
watch at : ME
She is living a complicated life with a large and dynamic family that consists of very expressive individuals.
“But since this family is rather large, it tends to be quite distant and relationships are often inadequately cared for”, according to her.
Her dad doesn’t care about her anymore since he left them in 2007 and so she is stuck with her so overly-protective mom who basically became both parents to her. Most of the time her mom treats her like a child that when she reason like an adult her mom always shuts her off.
With that having an over-protective mother made her like a puppet who can’t fully decide on her own with regards to certain matters about herself. when she’s at home she always stays in her room because according to her
“it’s the most comfortable place in the house where she can do anything she want out of sight of her mother. when she is outside she acts reluctant and anxious when it comes to travelling and doing outdoor activities because of not being conditioned to “be” an outdoor person. ” I am often dependent on surroundings, too”
Of course for her, life isn’t that good enough since she always experience being chained and not free. Chained to the idea of always be treated like a child and will not be allowed to make decisions for herself and not free from the anxiety that developed unto her because being shut out always makes her unable to explore the real world.
As being someone who is like a puppet that is always been intervened by her mom’s decision she became poor in decision-making skill. she often depend on the other factors or people to decide for her because according to her
” independence isn’t something i can do well”.
Her reluctance and dependency stems from spoon-feeding and constant intervention from her mom when she was a child, and so she grew up as something indecisive and not assertive.
Some instances that she can’t decide for herself includes going out somewhere with friends, money management and a lot more.
“A big factor in my educational interest was also intervened by my mother, as I wanted to attend college in Adamson University and I already had a scholarship waiting for me there, but I was forced to attend UE because it is closer to home.”
She also told us that there is this instance that she really wanted to join her school’s ACP (like CAT) training program yet her mom didn’t allow her that they argue about it , she even cried to her mom but nothing happened.
People with this kind of case tend to be jealous just like Angela who tend to be really jealous about her friends being free to do whatever they wanted,
” But when I hear bad things about too much freedom, I am still kind of glad to be a homebody.”
What she always do when her decisions were intervened by her mom is to sulk and cry inside her room for feeling of being powerless- more like a puppet.
People like her manage the given scenario differently but as for her , she would sit in front of her computer and would try to the understand the world through human interaction and through the internet.
She became sort of a rebel and was teased for being Emo (Emotional) because of wearing a lot of black and dark make up making her a goth. She did things her mother didn’t want her to do (the understandable and smart things, though) showing her mom she she didn’t care at all with the intervention. However this case lead her to depression and began to self-harm by creating 47 lashes on her both arm from 2010-2014 because of being shut down and given injustice.
“I had stopped since then”
After all those interventions her mom did to her, she did nothing in return since according to her she was (and still) afraid to fight back. All she did was to create another twitter account and rant and release her anger there (although libelous as it was) and then her mom saw the tweets that made her got sent out of the house for a night and half a day.
Today she is still get intervened and somehow emotionally manipulated.
” Also still surviving slight verbal abuse But i’m hanging on. I need to grow, don’t I”
Watch at : ME
The researcher interviewed a psychologist to explain the situation Angela is going on through and give us some facts and confirmation with regards to this issue.
According to Mr. Jayson Parenas some effects of this manipulations are as follows:
” the person who will experience the said scenario will feel like she doesn’t have a mind of her own, people will start to become doubtful of himself, the person will loose confidence, she will become less assertive because the person may feel that what she is doing might be wrong, and will always be in the constant state that I might be wrong so I won’t express my idea. Now the person will become more reserved or more withdrawn. She will become more passive, less Active. In the case of Angela she has shown these examples the way she act and interact with things around her. “Pretty much, the person will act as a rebel because they would want to express themselves. They can’t really go after or confront the person who is making decisions for her, so chances are she would tend to displace.”
According to him, rebellious acts, may not really be as aggressive as you think. for example you were placed in a program that you did not really like, you can attend classes, you can take quizzes but then again you can either deliberately or not deliberately feel not because you are not really motivated to do so. it is not as active as cutting class, or reprimanding the teacher just it, like passive aggression.
While on the other hand is the active aggression, wherein she became attracted to a person who is providing the sense of appreciation for her. Just because at home, her decisions was disregarded, nor she can’t decide for herself then all her attention were pointed to that person. there will come some instances that she will get absent to class.
Of course this scenario will lead to depression and suddenly self-harm with regards to resilience. It is resilience that will define whether the person will engage in a self injurious behavior. Those who are less resilient have a high risk of developing self injurious behavior.
“For some people , the only way through is to get through, and for the people who are depressed or less resilient, the only way is to get out. They would tend to off themselves but of course it depends on the resilience of a person.”
According to him, self injurious behavior is a valid scenario/reason enough for self injurious behavior when you’re not being allowed to decide. Because making decision is a
sign that you have power over yourself, that you can do something for yourself. The tendency of not deciding for your own denotes that you’re powerless.
“The chances of negative feelings is snowballing. Snowballing to something bigger is really feasible because power is taken away from you making you start to question your existence nor the purpose of your life why is that so leading you to appreciate life and yourself less and less and less”
What can you do to help yourself?
You just have to bear through it, you have to believe that it’s for your own good. But if you really can’t bear it just talk to your parents/manipulators and try to stand to them. There may be some instances that they’ll get mad at you but then again
“You might lose the battle but you can still win the war they can get mad at you but it will just pass. Just slowly assert yourself.”